STASI: Swift's groping trial testimony could've used less 'a–'

Backside, butt, back end, bottom, behind, buttock, buns, bum, derriere, rear, rump, rear-end, glutes, keister, posterior, seat, tush, fanny, can, and when all else fails, tuchus.

A–? No, not-ever, never, nyet, no way, nay, nix, not even close — well, not in a U.S. courtroom anyway.

Taylor Swift used the word, “a–” during testimony nearly half a dozen times while defending herself against a nasty horse’s ass’s butt-groper.

It made her otherwise powerful testimony sound, well, asinine.

Taylor Swift’s bodyguard testifies he saw DJ reach up her skirt

Seriously, this young woman is a smart, savvy performer — one of the most powerful entertainers in the world in fact.

And more, she’s a brilliant young businesswoman who’s made, yes, $ 200 million. She owns two jets. She has countless millions of fans. She writes or co-writes her own songs, and she couldn’t come up with a better word than “a–” while testifying in court about a, er, horse’s a– of a buttocks groper?

On the street it’s one thing, in court, it’s something else all together.

In case you happened to be in a coma yesterday, and missed it, Swift described the sexual assault she suffered by disgusting, now-fired Denver DJ David Mueller, by saying “a–” nearly half a dozen times during her testimony.

Lena Dunham applauds Taylor Swift for testimony in groping trial

NARCH/NARCH30

A sketch of plaintiff David Mueller in Denver Federal Court during the Taylor Swift groping trial.

(JEFF KANDYBA/REUTERS)

There was the low rent-sounding, “He stayed latched on to my bare a–.” The scary, “…grabbed my a– under my skirt.”

The funny, “Because my a– is located in the back of my body.”

And the always memorable, “He had a handful of my a–”

While her testimony was powerful, it was also dumbly disrespectful to the court.

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Did her lawyer and those pre-trial “experts” celebs usually hire think that using slang to do describe a horrific incident by an older man — who thought she was there for the groping — was cool, or tough or what?

Swift didn’t do herself any favors by going this route, despite the immediate and fawning tweets by the media and feminists who automatically agree with anything said by women.

“Proud of @taylorswift13 for her fierce & cutting testimony & her refusal to settle for being treated like property. Her example is powerful,” Dunham tweeted.

“Proud of @taylorswift13 for her fierce & cutting testimony & her refusal to settle for being treated like property. Her example is powerful,” Dunham tweeted.

(Kevin Mazur/WireImage)

Her pal, Lena Dunham, who can’t wait to put herself in front of well, everybody, tweeted: “Proud of @taylorswift13 for her fierce & cutting testimony & her refusal to settle for being treated like property. Her example is powerful.”

Right, but it could have been more powerful if she hadn’t muddied the waters by being disrespectful while testifying about being painfully disrespected.

Taylor Swift testifies ex-DJ ‘latched’ onto her backside

It’s great that Swift never backed down and never let the opposing slobs get the better of her, but why stoop so far down to their level?

Meantime, Mueller’s looking to score $ 3 million in damages for being fired after the alleged incident, and Swift wants $ 1 for the sexual assault.

Sometimes, the law really is, an a–. Or make that a backside, butt, back end, bottom, behind, buttock, buns, bum, derriere, rear, rump, rear-end, glutes, keister, and when all else fails, tuchus.

(By the way, The Daily News doesn’t even use the word without dashes. What a pain in the a–.)

Tags:
taylor swift
sex crimes
lawsuits

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